The storm before the calm?

Some of you may be wondering if the title was a typo or if I was medicated when I typed it. The answer is no and yes. J I know the normal phrase is “the calm before the storm”, and while I have experienced that many times in my life, I also believe there often times are a storm before the calm. Think about your own experiences. Have you ever had to endure a trial or hardship in order to receive a blessing? It could even be something you’ve worked hard for: schooling (the storm) to get your degree (the calm), childbirth to have a child, training for an athletic event to reach the finish line? There are many instances in the scriptures where trials have come before the peace, or in other words the calm. In a literal sense you don’t have to look past Noah to come up with one example. It rained 40 days before he, and those with him, got the calm. Then, even after the storm was over, they still had to wait for a while through the “calm” before the waters receded and they got on dry land once again. Well what do you do when you feel like the storm isn’t going to stop? Is it possible to just have a long non-stop storm? Or while one is dying down another one starts? Probably, but I do believe there are times when despite the storm the blue sky does break through if even for a moment to let you know things will be ok. You might find that the storm is raging but all the beating of you it’s doing is actually making you stronger and better able to withstand the other storms that are thrown at you. There’s a purpose in rain, it is a cleanser and it also makes things grow. I think the same can be true of our own personal storms if we let them. I do believe you have to let them and even take an active role in allowing them to help you be cleansed and grow. 

There’s a country song out right now by Gary Allen that has a verse “every storm runs out of rain just like every dark night turns into day”. I love that song! So true! I’m still waiting for my storm to run out of rain but I know it will, whether in this life or the next, I’ll at some point have those blue skies! Looking forward to that day!

Mountains

Mountains have been on my mind lately. In the scriptures there are references to removing mountains. In the Bible we find references to being able to remove mountains with faith: Matthew 17:20 and 21:21. The Book of Mormon also gives reference to this in Jacob 4:6. That got me thinking, how many of us have actual need to remove mountains? I don’t think the scriptures talk about that so that people can go around just moving mountains according to their own will and pleasure. Like everything spiritual, there needs to be a purpose for something to take place.  So why would we need to move a mountain? There may be times, or have been times, when there has been a need for someone to remove a physical mountain; but I’ve been thinking about other mountains we have. They could be spiritual, emotional, physical challenges, etc. Like so many things in the scriptures I think that these passages may have been talking about different types of mountains. 

Some mountains we can just look at and enjoy the beauty of, or feel accomplished for having climbed and conquered it. Others can seem so big and immovable we don’t have any idea how to get over it, through it, or around it. I think those are the times when we especially need to turn to the Lord for help in “moving that mountain”. Maybe we’ll have some mountains that will be immediately removed but often times I think we have to go through the back breaking struggle of moving our mountains one shovel-full at a time. That can be a time of great strengthening and learning of endurance for us, it can also sometimes wear us down to the point we feel like we can’t move it on our own. The great thing is that none of us have to move those mountains alone! With the help of Heavenly Father, who so often works through others, we can have someone or several someone’s right beside us shoveling away and helping us push those heavy boulders out of the way. We have to be willing to accept the help though and sometimes that can be one of the heaviest boulders to move.

I have dealt with my own physical limitation mountains lately. I have watched friends and family members deal with their “mountains” of different sorts a lot lately as well. I’ve felt the help of others in helping me “shovel” and I hope I’ve been of help in “shoveling” others mountains too. 

In the words of Rascal Flatts “walking’s easy when the road is flat, those danged old hills will get you every time. The good Lord gave us mountains so we could learn how to climb.” I hope to be better at looking at my mountains as an opportunity to learn how to climb or be strengthened by shoveling.

But if not...

But if not – it’s the name of a talk recently shared with me by some Sister Missionaries. It talks about various people in the scriptures that had faith in the Lord under extreme circumstances. For example, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego put their trust in the Lord when faced with a fiery furnace. They didn’t just have faith that He would deliver them, although they knew it was possible, they had faith that whether or not they were delivered that it would all work out in the end – they had the “but if not” faith.  The talk then goes onto talk about how we should have the “but if not” faith.

Examples of that faith would be: God will deliver us from illness, but if not; God will heal my loved ones, but if not; God will take my pain away, but if not; God will make sure my friends have the things they need, but if not; God will keep me safe, but if not; and so on. It’s having faith that yes God can do these things and will (if it’s His will) but if not. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego were delivered but if they hadn’t been would their faith had been in vain – no! There are so many things we don’t understand, and probably won’t while in this life, but I know that God has a plan for each and every one of us. All will eventually be made right, but if not in this life then I know for a certainty it will be made right in the eternities. I love this talk. Anyone interested in reading it can find it at http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2004/04/but-if-not?lang=eng&query=dennis+simmons

Things for me have been status quo as far as my health has been concerned. Some ups and downs. I did have a pretty severe allergic reaction to CT scan dye a couple months ago – that was kind of scary and resulted in many trips to the ER, doctors, and urgent care. After 2 weeks of having the severe allergy it finally subsided. My dad had triple bypass surgery this past week. Thankfully he’s doing well. It was kind of a scary couple of weeks. I appreciate the thoughts and prayers of so many of you that were praying for him even though some of you didn’t know him. I have a strong faith in the power of prayer and it’s nothing short of miraculous that he’s doing as well as he is.

Last month I had the great opportunity to go out to Utah for a week and a half. I was able to see many of my “girls”.  The last weekend I was there I had the privilege of seeing one of them married in the Saint George, Utah temple! How amazing that was! Nothing is better than watching someone you care about look so happy as they are married. I’m so excited to have that opportunity to do that a couple more times this year. It was a great time and I wish I could have seen more people. The week and a half went by too fast.

Well off to bed to get some sleep, but if not…

The Savior

With Mitt Romney running for President more attention has been brought to my religion - for better or worse. Let me first say that I do not anymore believe that all Mormon's should vote for Mitt just because he's a Mormon as strongly as I believe that others should not vote for Mitt because he is a Mormon. In other words, I believe that everyone (Mormon's and non-Mormon's alike) should vote, or not vote, for him based on whether they believe he is who will best lead the country. That's the only political statement I care to make on this post.

One item that has been brought into question by people of other faiths is our belief in Jesus Christ. Some say we are not Christians and don't believe in Christ, others say we believe in a different Jesus. While I cannot speak for my church I can say that everything I believe in, and have been so taught by my church, is that Jesus Christ is the only begotten of the Father, our Redeemer. The Jesus I believe in Atoned for my sins, as well as those of everyone who has ever walked the earth or who ever will. The Jesus I believe in suffered for all my pains and sorrows in the Garden of Gethsemane - of this I have gained a very personal and real testimony this past year as my health has changed. The Jesus I believe in knows how to succor those that stand in need. He has done this so many times during this. The Jesus I believe in died on the cross for all mankind and was resurrected the 3rd day. The Jesus I believe in lives and stands at the right hand of the Father. The Jesus I believe in has given me so much comfort and peace - most especially in my most difficult trials.

I believe in the hope, peace, comfort, joy, love, understanding, and justice the Savior brings. Though we all have our trials all can and will be made right - it may not be in this lifetime but it will come. I believe in a fair and just God. I know that though my health may or may not be restored in this life it will all be okay in the eternities. I don't know how that will happen but I have a strong faith that it will.

I am so grateful for my testimony of the Savior and for the peace and comfort that has given me. It has helped and sustained me through my trials. I look forward to the day when I can stand at the judgement bar of the Savior and personally thank Him for all He has done for me.

The Sacrament

Well it's been forever since I've updated this site. One of my goals for this year is to do this much more often. I have a lot of updating to do but this post is going to be about recent events - I'll fill in some gaps on a later post. This past Sunday I was awoken to my phone ringing at 5:30 am - never a good sign when you get calls at that time. It was Jesse calling to tell me my mom had been taken to the hospital by ambulance and they were both there. I immediately got up, took a quick shower and left. Well that's not entirely true - right before I left I called and woke up the two Elders (Missionaries) serving in my Ward and asked them to say a prayer with me over the phone. Elder Dobbins was kind enough to do so. That always helps give me a sense of peace. My mom had gotten up in the middle of the night feeling really sick to her stomach and the room was spinning. She then started having severe chest pains and that's when she called for Jesse, he came downstairs and they called 911. I got to the hospital and they were busy doing various tests. Around 9am I got the strong impression I should go to a nearby congregation of my church and take the Sacrament. The Sacrament is what my church does every Sunday in remembrance of Jesus Christ. We partake of bread and water in remembrance of his flesh and blood that He so willingly gave for us. The local congregation was meeting at 10am and was only a mile away from the hospital we were at. I wasn't dressed how I would normally be for church but I went anyway. The administration of the bread and water only takes about 10-15 minutes and then the rest of the meeting is after that. I only stayed for the taking of the Sacrament. In those short minutes that I was there I had the most overwhelming feeling of peace come over me. It's an indescribable feeling unless you've actually felt it. I wish there was a way to bottle that feeling and drink from it always. I went back to the ER right after that. I hadn't missed anything, the doctor came in shortly after I came back. My mom was admitted (reluctantly on her part...).

So often during my illness I've had I have peace given to me in various ways and times. I'm not going to pretend that I'm always feeling peaceful - I am not. This has been hard. Last month marked 1 year since this whole ordeal started for me. So many things in my life have changed as a result. I'm currently taking a little "break" from going to the doctor's. I just need it mentally. It's only been a few weeks since I've had an appointment but I'm not sure I went a week with out an appointment at any time last year. I am sure I'll go back again soon. I have kind of been in a holding pattern the past few weeks. I don't have good pain days anymore but I haven't had too bad of a pain day in a few weeks. I'm just at a moderate level. It's uncomfortable and it's painful but it's also at a level that's allowing me to go to work and occasionally do some other things.

Saturday night (the night before my mom's ER visit) I was texting with a friend. We were actually talking about fear, peace, anxiety, etc. I told her about part of a scripture that I have on my upstairs wall right at the top of my staircase. It is
2 Timothy 1:7 it reads "God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." I read that every day before I leave my house. I said if it isn't God that gave us the spirit of fear who is it? The answer of course is Satan. He's the one trying to make us feel unsettled. God gave us power, love and a sound mind. I originally put this scripture up when I had Sister Missionaries living with me and there was one that really needed to read that daily. After she left I thought I would leave it up for myself.

I don't know where my illness is going to take me. I don't know what's in store or what the future holds. I do know that whatever the outcome I'll be okay. I don't know if that okay means physically, I just know I have the peace that comes from only one source. How grateful I am to be able to have that knowledge and the opportunity of taking the Sacrament each week.