The Sacrament

Well it's been forever since I've updated this site. One of my goals for this year is to do this much more often. I have a lot of updating to do but this post is going to be about recent events - I'll fill in some gaps on a later post. This past Sunday I was awoken to my phone ringing at 5:30 am - never a good sign when you get calls at that time. It was Jesse calling to tell me my mom had been taken to the hospital by ambulance and they were both there. I immediately got up, took a quick shower and left. Well that's not entirely true - right before I left I called and woke up the two Elders (Missionaries) serving in my Ward and asked them to say a prayer with me over the phone. Elder Dobbins was kind enough to do so. That always helps give me a sense of peace. My mom had gotten up in the middle of the night feeling really sick to her stomach and the room was spinning. She then started having severe chest pains and that's when she called for Jesse, he came downstairs and they called 911. I got to the hospital and they were busy doing various tests. Around 9am I got the strong impression I should go to a nearby congregation of my church and take the Sacrament. The Sacrament is what my church does every Sunday in remembrance of Jesus Christ. We partake of bread and water in remembrance of his flesh and blood that He so willingly gave for us. The local congregation was meeting at 10am and was only a mile away from the hospital we were at. I wasn't dressed how I would normally be for church but I went anyway. The administration of the bread and water only takes about 10-15 minutes and then the rest of the meeting is after that. I only stayed for the taking of the Sacrament. In those short minutes that I was there I had the most overwhelming feeling of peace come over me. It's an indescribable feeling unless you've actually felt it. I wish there was a way to bottle that feeling and drink from it always. I went back to the ER right after that. I hadn't missed anything, the doctor came in shortly after I came back. My mom was admitted (reluctantly on her part...).

So often during my illness I've had I have peace given to me in various ways and times. I'm not going to pretend that I'm always feeling peaceful - I am not. This has been hard. Last month marked 1 year since this whole ordeal started for me. So many things in my life have changed as a result. I'm currently taking a little "break" from going to the doctor's. I just need it mentally. It's only been a few weeks since I've had an appointment but I'm not sure I went a week with out an appointment at any time last year. I am sure I'll go back again soon. I have kind of been in a holding pattern the past few weeks. I don't have good pain days anymore but I haven't had too bad of a pain day in a few weeks. I'm just at a moderate level. It's uncomfortable and it's painful but it's also at a level that's allowing me to go to work and occasionally do some other things.

Saturday night (the night before my mom's ER visit) I was texting with a friend. We were actually talking about fear, peace, anxiety, etc. I told her about part of a scripture that I have on my upstairs wall right at the top of my staircase. It is
2 Timothy 1:7 it reads "God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." I read that every day before I leave my house. I said if it isn't God that gave us the spirit of fear who is it? The answer of course is Satan. He's the one trying to make us feel unsettled. God gave us power, love and a sound mind. I originally put this scripture up when I had Sister Missionaries living with me and there was one that really needed to read that daily. After she left I thought I would leave it up for myself.

I don't know where my illness is going to take me. I don't know what's in store or what the future holds. I do know that whatever the outcome I'll be okay. I don't know if that okay means physically, I just know I have the peace that comes from only one source. How grateful I am to be able to have that knowledge and the opportunity of taking the Sacrament each week.